I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I pour the whiskey from now on
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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