Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
