The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
