i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize