so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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