You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
