My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
do herpes really smell.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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