Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize