Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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