my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize