If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
