oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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