Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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