Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
