She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize