You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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