it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
