So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize