I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Someone shattered a urinal.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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