Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I came so hard my ears popped.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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