good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
