The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
