i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
nutella sex= disaster
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
