Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize