rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
