Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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