If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
