The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
