Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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