I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
