no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
