how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
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