Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
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