I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
