The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
