we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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