I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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