I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize