Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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