Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
