I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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