Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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