I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
