mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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