Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
