Non-Jews are for practice
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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