Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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