Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I have already put on my inside pants.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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