how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I seem to have left my pride at pride
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
