It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
