I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
