i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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