She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
