Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
