addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I have demons in me.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
