I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize