You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
