my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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