I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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