Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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