yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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