I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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