I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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