what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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