But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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