You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize