i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
