so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
