that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
