Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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