i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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