I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
