Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
