My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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