Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize