we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
So much rum. So many feels.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
