if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
