My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
