My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
