ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
