I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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