Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
