I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
