Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
