I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
