This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
That was before I lit my hair on fire
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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