ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
